Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
