So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
