Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
