Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
