Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
