I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
