So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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