D3 body, D1 cock
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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