when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
