just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
