he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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