Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
