Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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