All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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