there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
