Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
