She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
