youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
