Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
