i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
