After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
