i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They took my balls.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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