Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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