She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
