I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
