Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
