You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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