woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize