He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
