Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize