thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize