I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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