i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize