and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
