bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
