Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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