if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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