Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
