Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
