I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
