So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
