She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
