so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
