It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
