she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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