He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
