I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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