yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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