dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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