I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
