my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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