You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
