dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
