im six kinds of drunk right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
