Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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