You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
