At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
