this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
