Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize