he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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