Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
