i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
