sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she told me i tasted like america
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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