When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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