i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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