Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
