I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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