This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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