I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
