Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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