your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
smell my finger.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
