i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize