They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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